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Your Choice...Transform or Transmit Your Pain

I happened upon a quote from one of my favorite authors, Richard Rohr. I don’t remember finding this in any of the previous books I’ve read, but I’m grateful it found me.

“If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it”

This settled into my heart. I love when this happens….like a new place to explore on a map.

A new area in my life to ask….

“What pain am I transmitting?”

“What pain needs to be transformed?”

If we do not attend to the pain we carry we will take it out on those closest to us. Our spouses, parents, co-workers, children or neighbors. Emotional pain does not have to be a huge trauma like a breakup or death, it can be boredom, apathy, loneliness or the Big One—not living in your own integrity. Lying to yourself and others about your true nature, your essential self.

The responsibility of this can feel like staring at the mountain top from the bottom of a valley.



You may take five steps backwards.

But there is power in knowing we can begin unearthing our unattended pain AND we have control over its transformation. It takes courage, in some cases extreme courage. When we start telling ourselves the truth and living and breathing it—lives can change.

If you are tired of feeling exasperated, short-tempered and angry at those around you remember there is some wound within that needs to be brought to the light and healed.

Look for themes or feelings that cause you to lash out. It could be lack of control, jealousy, fear that someone will betray you or anger.

My current issue that I’m working on is actually anger at myself. This quote landed on my lap for a reason….I have been lashing out at my kids for nothing they have done but instead for the anger I have inside.

One last note…this doesn’t mean every time you lash out at someone it’s only your issue and caused by your own pain. People cross boundaries, they’re dishonest, they let you down. This is part of life.

The trick is…being able to recognize when it’s your side of the street that needs to be cleaned up and not theirs.

Nothing feels better than finally letting go of something that’s been weighing you down.

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